Twitter convos with some of my Twitter Besties, the two Jens, led to this post. This is where I tell you about my Series Exes. The books I fell in love with and then had to dump. I loved these books, I gushed about these books…until they got to a certain point. Then I had to dump them. And like all good romances at the end of them I had to write a poem.
Please be kind…you know how break-up poems go…it is terrible. But this is how I feel.
An Ode to My Exes
To all the books I have loved before
The girls of UF rocked so much more
I fell in love with kick-ass chicks galore
And felt I had finally found series I could adore.
Yet, something changed, the authors gone mad
My kick-ass chicks turned from good to bad
Some, became whores and I prayed it was only a fad
Some bored me with monotony which made me sad
These were the girls I wanted to be
Girls with powers, shut-down emotionally
But, no more, I’m calling it quits
This, for me is as deep as it gets.
Anita I’m tired of your orgies and book-long sex scenes…
Rachel, instead of growing you’ve become dumber, irritating and mean…
Sookie, your monotonous prattle is as much as I can take…
Cat and Bones, I’m sorry but your side characters a better story they make..
Merit…you had maybe two good books and then it all went to shit…
And finally Eugenie, I finished you…but that ending made me pitch a fit.
This is the ode to my exes, there are only a few.
I’m sorry but this is the end…Just know…It’s not Me…it’s you.
First on the list ANITA BLAKE
How awesome was she? She was amazing and the longest of the girls. I stuck with her until book 14. She was a necromancer, could raise the dead…took out vampires as The Executioner. Then she had to hook up with some bi-sexual, long-haired, pansy vampire and he passed on his nasty vampire germs to her and she turned into a whore. She basically has to have sex non-stop. All she does is have sex. And not the like fun, interesting erotica sex. No — sex that lasts the entire book, with multiple partners over and over again. Like her I am in the grocery store, buying my cheap liquor and OMG I need sex now…so let’s have sex with the bagger and the butcher and the cashier.
Second ex is Rachel Morgan, who I abandoned when one of the main characters was killed off and then Rachel just went bonkers. I think that was about book four. Rachel was cool, she even had a cool name. But, she never progressed, always did something really stupid and then covered it up with something even stupider. I’m sorry I gave up on Rachel, but I just couldn’t take how she got worse each book.
Sookie Stackhouse. I believe I dumped you after you were picking through the rubble of a destroyed hotel. Some would think this would be interesting, but somehow even this became droll. I never picked up the next book.
Cat and Bones I love and still love. I can go back and read the first books over and over again. But, after awhile, there was no tension, there was no interplay between the characters like I loved. They were in love and happy, which doesn’t make for good books. At least for me. I haven’t picked up another Night Huntress book — but I read all the Night Huntress world books and I like getting little peeks of Cat and Bones, just don’t want to read about them full on.
Merit of the Chicagoland Vampire series was a great start, a kind of good second book and then failed out by book three. I tried reading on to book four…and then I gave up. Man, those books are killing me. Merit was a great character to start, but either there is not enough time in each book for the character to progress, or she just isn’t changing enough. Then it seemed the author was pulling a lot of “tricks” with the plot and I had enough. Bye Merit…till never.
Finally there is Eugenie. I loved Eugenie. She was my bestest series buddy ever! I sung the praises of these not too popular books. Richelle Mead always got more attention with your Young Adult vampire books, so I thought giving Eugenie some credit would be awesome. Book 1 and 2 rocked my world. Book three was like a WTF moment and then book 4, which would have been okay until I remember — wait that ended the series! What???????? Eugenie I wish I would have dumped you after book two because spending two more years of my life with you killed me. You destroyed me and broke my heart, I still resent you for it.
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I’m thinking of breaking up with Eugenie and I have only read book 1, which is really sad because I LOVE Richelle Mead’s books!
Great poem btw!
Seems I forgot to fill in my details lol
Oh, recommend the series…even though the ending is terrible…just the first book is so good. Oh well. I don’t know how to recommend that book anymore. At least it invokes strong emotional reactions.
I agree with Anita and Sookie.
I’m on the fence about Cat & Bones. I too enjoy the side characters more now. I feel like Cat & Bones should have ended by now. They’re just an old marriage couple now. Not as exciting as before. I’ll give the new release a try but if I don’t see the old magic I most likely won’t read anymore. I’ve moved on to Vlad.
I’m also on the fence about CV series. House Rules will be the telling book for me, if I continue the series.
I just started Rachel Morgan books so I’m hopeful.
Love the poem BTW.
YES!!!! Anita Blake! I stopped when it turned into porn. And this is why I dislike series to a point. I have been known to read the first in a series or trilogy and then stop there.
I stopped Anita when her and JC started boinking the mermen or whatever that was. Me too — these series have made me scared of reading book 2.
LOL. That was a great post! You should be a poet, your skills are impressive….:)Break ups are hard but sometimes it must be done. I broke up with Stephanie Plum at book 15….and recently broke up with the Morganvilles.
Ooh I forgot about the Morganvilles!! Thanks Tina — my poetry has always been terrible! Reading back on the crap I wrote in high school and college I sound like Roger Rabbit…How do I love thee…let me count the ways…
Rachel, this was too die for funny. And I TOTALLY understand. I hope to see more posts like this!
Thanks Cassie!
BAHAHAHA!!! Dude. I love you!
Awe…..
Totally love this post! I absolutely AGREE with you on Anita Blake. In fact, I think I’m supposed to do a post about the why’s behind my disparagement of the series itself. Should be fun!
Thanks Shell! Yes, that should be fun.
I am this close to breaking up with Merit and the gang. I just finished the last and still on fence. It was better but the two past books are ruining it.
Can’t break up with series if I didn’t read all of them cat & sookie
I almost stopped at the same point as you did on the Hollows… I was so devastated by that death. But I am so glad I kept reading. The last one was so, so good.
I, too, feel like the fire is gone from Cat & Bones, but like you, I love the world books.
I got really upset with Eugenie as well. She was so great, and then, like really?!?
I haven’t completely broken up with Merit, but the Chicagoland books aren’t on pre-order anymore. I really didn’t like where the last two or three books went. Some stuff seemed to be in there just for shock-value and seemed really forced.
Cat and Bones *sighs* they’re my favorite couple ever! And I still love them to pieces
But, as you know, I loathe love-triangles and love it when my fave couple stay together and fight something else entirely – as a team. Maybe it’s because I’m older, and I’ve been married for a long time, so I like to think that my fave characters can tough it out as well – even if it’s not always easy.
I’ve only read the first Anita Blake, so I can’t really comment on that – but I love this post! A lot
LOL! I LOVE the poem!
That poem rocked!
Who knew that within you lurked the heart of a poet?
I understand, totally. There are a few series I had to break up with, too.
I read the two Eugenie books and adored them, but then heard that the third book went off the rails. I just recently picked it up from PBS but I’m kind of afraid to start it because I don’t want to tarnish my memory of the first two books. I know it’s hard to sustain a series long term, but you’d think that you’d at least get three or four good books out of it.
hahahaha That poem was awesome!
I left Anita’s world at book 9, Obsidian Butterfly. Same like you, I had to leave her because of the never ending sex and the gory things in that series. It started out really strong and now arggh totally disappointed. I still have about 3-4 books, I don’t know if I’m gonna continue the series. I haven’t looked at them since 2011…
With Sookie, I loved the series but had to stop at book #10, the fae war?? Read Dead In The Family but actually I just skimmed tru it because it sucked.
Eugenie, only at book #1. Loved Rose Hathaway and Georgina Kincaid series though…
I had to break up with Anita for the same reason! If only she had stayed The Executioner instead of turning into SuperWhore. Very disappointing.
LOL I LOVE this so made me laugh and yes Anita and I had a breakup as well..I kept trying to make work but she was too busy having orgies with wereleopards, werewolves, werepandas, werewhatever..so depressing! LOL
Thank you! Werepandas? I didn’t get that deep lol.
I agree with a lot of this.
I’ve given up on Anita. I loved it at first, it was one of the earliest UF series’ I read, but it got too repetitive, and I didn’t like how she kept adding lovers.
I love Richelle Mead’s writing, but then she kills me with the torment the characters go through. I read book 3 of Eugenie, but the cheating towards the end of that one really annoyed me. I haven’t been able to bring myself to read the last one yet, mostly because I’ve heard people say it has even more WTF moments, and I’d rather leave it where I can convince myself it all worked out!
I’m still working on Sookie & Cat/Bones, but don’t have any drive to read them at the moment, and I’m several books behind on each.
Rachel Morgan – this is where I have to disagree with you! When that character dies in book 4, it sucks. But persevere! It’s one of my favourite series, and a reason I love it is because of the character building. I just think it goes at a much more believable pace than some things do. Rachel changes, the other characters change – I think it’s a really well developed series. I’m also glad that even though it’s quite long, Harrison does have an end planned – I don’t like a series (*cough* Anita *cough*) that just goes on and on and on.
~Ailsa
And you have listed all of the series I had to let go, except Anita Blake, I guess Im still hoping for the old days. The most recent book showed promise and I hope less sex goes back to her real kick butt job. Love thos post!!
I totally agree with Sookie!!! The series should have ended already!
I’m bummed to hear about Chicagoland!
I’ve been meaning to try that series.
I’m on the fence with Morganville. I stopped reading them when they went from mass paperback to hardcover MID SERIES!!! I just can’t seem to get myself to pick them back up!
Love this post, Rachel. I was planning on reading Anita and Night Huntress after hearing about Bones but I don’t really feel like starting a series if it’s only going to go to the shithouse. The poem was great
+JMJ+
I’m not into UF at all and haven’t read any of these series, but I’ve given up on authors in the past, too, so I can relate!
It seems that book series can “jump the shark” as effectively as TV series can. But we may have to come up with a more fitting term for the books!
PS — When I read the first line of your poem, I actually tried to sing it to the melody of the Julio Iglesias song! LOL!
LOL!!! This was so funny. Anita Blake was one of my first forays into that kind of world…I did adore her…until every male character in her universe fell for her.