When I decided to begin blogging I knew that I would be putting myself out there. I post pieces of myself for everyone to see and it allows people to comment on my thoughts. They can choose to not comment, or the can choose to comment positively or negatively. It is what blogging intrinsically is, a way to share yourself and interact with others that get to view those pieces.
No matter how many followers you have, if you just have a handful, or a horde you should be receiving feedback. In my case, most of them are positive. “This was great,” “Excellent post”, etc., but every now and again something pops up that makes me stop, get my feelings hurt and want to grab a bat.
Learn to Distinguish between Mean Comments & Criticism
- Mean Comments: Nothing can be learned from a mean comment. If they are just saying hateful things, being trollish (meaning no point, just spewing hate) and commenting just to attack, those comments should be completely ignored.
- Critique or Disagreement: When someone’s opinion differs from your own. You say the book rocks, they say the book was horrendous that is a difference of opinion. A critique would be if they think you handled something wrong, in their mind and think you should have done it a different way. Like, if they think you should have included a book cover in your Interview, instead of just the tour banner. Those type of things.
These are two very different type of comments, but both might have that stinging quality to them. Yet, the critique is much more, because they require action. If they think you are handling something improperly, maybe they are right? Do others feel this way? Should you consider making changes to what they suggested, or do you just ignore them. Because, why would someone point out these things in your comments?
My first impulse is to argue my point, especially if the criticism is handled badly or negatively. No one likes their “flaws” to be pointed out, especially in a public comment forum. I will admit I react poorly to badly handled criticism. The funniest thing is as I’m editing this post, I actually got a critique via twitter. And I replied back badly. Not one of my best moments, which led to more nasty comments, so obviously it didn’t have a desired result, for either of us.
But, I don’t think critiques should come through in a public forum like twitter or comments on your blog, unless they are constructive criticism. As opposed to a comment that’s only intention is “Hey, let me point out how you suck.” I do believe comments like those are meant to harm and not help and should be treated, not as constructive at all. Much like a mean girl points out that another teen has toilet paper on her shoe in front of the class, which results in everyone laughing at her, instead of taking her to the side and pointing it out. Both resulted in the girl removing the toilet paper, but one just led to slight embarrassment, the other led to humiliation.
Yet Constructive Criticism is Different:
Criticism that has your best intentions in mind. Maybe a comment that says, “This was a good point, but I think doing it this way might work better…”
In my estimation, those are the only type of comments that should be relegated with any importance. A comment like this seems to have best-intentions in mind. These comments look to improve instead of tear-down. In my mind, while they still may sting, might improve your blog in the long run.
What to keep in mind if a situation like this occurs:
- Mean comments and Critique comments sting. We all want to think that we do things perfect every time. But, any type of negativity will sting. How you are emotionally will usually decide how BIG of a sting that will be. Keep in mind that other events of the day might influence your reaction, so read the comment a few times and try to interpret what the person is saying. What at first seems mean, might really just be a badly worded critique.
- You shouldn’t reply to the comment immediately. Especially if it angers you. It is suggested by THE PEOPLE that you step back, take a few hours to cool off and then return to the comment. If you have a point to make, reply back. But, understand that it might not go over as well as you intended. Stepping back might also help you interpret the comment better.
- Always keep the comment up. By deleting the comment you show that they did hit hard. By posting the comments you show that you really are not rattled by negativity and will allow the whole story to be played out on your blog.
- Finally, blow it off. Not everyone is going to love you and you shouldn’t let negativity affect you. It does nothing but ruin your day. It might be easier said then done, but most of the time, comments that are mean-spirited are done with other emotions like jealousy in the fore-front. Think of it as a reaffirmation to your awesomeness. They had to take time out of THEIR day to try and bring you down a notch. Guess you made an impact.
Topics for Discussion:
Would you leave a criticism in a comment forum on someone’s blog?
Personally I would never do this. If I see something on a friends blog, meaning someone I regularly talk with, email, or tweet with, I will EMAIL them or DM them that there is something they might want to take another look at, via their blog. I would never EVEN consider contacting someone I’ve had no other contact with and critiquing them, especially in comments. I think if I were to do this, no matter what I said it would be received poorly and what good does that do? I have ruined someone’s day and gained nothing in return by a heavy conscious…and why? A spelling error?
Have you received criticism on your blog via comments or email?
I’ve actually received both, usually in email I will thank them and then go and check out the post in question. I want to know if something is wrong. I do not like when someone comments and corrects my spelling, or my grammar. I’ve gotten comments like, “your grammar is terrible…” – well if you had my best grammar in mind you would have told me in what instances it was terrible, instead of just making an insult veiled as a critique.
Should we take this topic to heart, especially when crafting reviews?
In the last few weeks I’ve been thinking of the art of critique and how to properly give and receive constructive criticism and how to apply it to my review style. But, I came to the conclusion that I do not believe as a reviewer I am here to critique. If that were the case, I would be a Beta reader and not a reviewer.
And this ends my rant, but I hope it helps, me thinking through these things that we all are faced with on a daily basis.
Reader Question of the Week:
Sorry, I couldn’t resist. I would first suggest that you implement the Shift button on your keyboard and then spell check. Those are always a big help when putting together a coherent blog post or question. Then I might take a writing course, or just read up on the internet on how to properly craft an idea. How to get your point across those types of things. Then I would read, read and read some more. Read other blogger’s work, step out of book bloggers and read technically writers, mommy blogs, those sort of things. Note what you like about their writing style and try to implement some of those flashy techniques in your own writing. Then finally, just do it. If you just sit their waiting for it to happen, it never will.
Book Blogging News:
It Came from the Library! This Teen Read Week™ kicked off on the 14th {source} along with the announcement of the YALSA’s Teen Top Ten winners. Veronica Roth busted it up, man! {source}
Happy Thursday. Talk Less. Read More. Blog with Integrity.
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I’m terribly small potatoes, so I haven’t gotten any mean comments… Yet. I’m sure they’ll come, and when they do, I’ll cry. At least you didn’t cry (or admit to it, anyway.)
This is me too…I’m a baby blogger right now, but it takes a lot for me to be mean to someone on the internet, mostly because I could just care less. I typically have to have a nasty history with them. Not that I have nasty histories with many people, but you know. It happens. I did leave a 3.5 star review once (which isn’t terrible) and got an essay from the author on the error of my ways.
As an author, this horrified me. I’d never do that either! This seemed to be repertoire with many of her reviews so, whatever. I let her have her moment.
Oh man! I’ve only reviewed stuff by pretty big time authors thus far. I can’t imagine any of them would read me. I probably offended the ghost of Herman Melville, but that guy’s ghost is too lame to haunt me seriously.
I don’t even think it is an intentional meaness either. I think people just don’t think before they post something and how it might be perceived. That is terrible about the author retaliation. I’ve had it happen to me before also, it hurts and embarrasses you at the same time, because again, it is a review and not meant to be critiqued by the author of all people.
I have also had other bloggers try to “tell me” about me erring as far as not liking a certain book, especially the really popular ones. That always cracks me up…because I’m sure they wouldn’t want me doing it to them on their blogs.
You are wrong for not liking a certain book? Ummmm, hello????
Excellent post! It’s certainly hard to ignore mean comments, but I really like how you distinguish between just plain mean and something that can be constructive. Nice job and keep up the good work! ~T.K.
I need to apologize. I thought starting with an @ (name) went only to the intended recipient.
Next time, I’ll email you.
You can send a direct tweet too- that might be easier. Kudos for the apologizing, that shows excellent character
You can only Direct tweet someone who follows you back. Someone who knows you. I think the best way to handle any sort of critique is via email. Unless of course you know them very well.
Interesting post. As a writer, I can TOTALLY understand. But like you said, sometimes it helps to take a deep breath and count to a 1,000 (or more) before responding. I admit that sometimes I just delete them, and don’t respond. It’s not worth my time. I’ve just learned to ignore it. Guess I’m getting a lot more mellow in my old age. LOL When I was younger I got upset and felt defensive. Now? Not so much…
Anyway, this great advice for bloggers and trolls and tweeters.
I really don’t like to criticize other’s posts. But I’d like to give advice sometimes. Like, I really wish when you talk about “the first book in the series” you would TELL me what it is. I mean, I know I can figure it out, but I’d just like to be able to click on it and it would link me to your review, or goodreads or amazon or something.
There are some other “helpful hints” I’d like to give, but I don’t.
I’m too “nice” to say things like that, though.
Very helpful post. Thanks.
I know Anette, sometimes it is hard for me to hold my tongue too, especially since I regularly give advice in these posts. But, I usually don’t. I’m of the mind that if they wanted advice they would have asked for it I guess…
A few weeks ago, I got a comment on one of my posts that essentially said “great review other than all the grammatical errors.” Now my writing isn’t perfect and my tone of voice is quite casual, but I do know my grammar. I may use run-on sentences or short phrases here and there, but I don’t think it’s inappropriate for a blog post. What’s more is that I went back and read the review in question and I couldn’t see any errors in grammar. I had to take a deep breath and walk away so that I didn’t go over to the girl’s blog and throttle her. I suppose I shouldn’t take it personally, but it’s hard not to when someone is basically saying your writing is crap.
I try not to leave critiquing comments on a blog other than the occasional – hey your link is broken – or something to that effect. I’m probably not perfect about it, but I can’t imagine being mean.
I had that happen to me too Alison — it just seemed like such a very mean-spirited comment from a fellow blogger.
+JMJ+
I don’t mind critiques that come from regular readers, but I’m more put off than I should be when a critique comes from out of the blue. Two years ago, however, I got a critique that came out of the blue from a regular reader. =P She was a long-time lurker who had just never commented before. And what she said was that the font colours on my quotes and captions were difficult for her to read because she didn’t read my blog on her PC (where the bright colours would have shown up on a dark background) but on a reader (where they showed up on a white background). If this sounds familiar, PJ, that’s because I asked you about it when it happened and it was featured in a BB101 post.
Now, I saw where she was coming from, and I truly appreciated that she liked reading my blog. BUT I didn’t want to sacrifice my blog design. I actually hemmed and hawed over this for weeks, experimenting with different colours, formatting, etc., and what I ended up doing was enabling only a partial feed for readers. :-S That way, anyone who followed me through a reader would have to click on the link to get to my blog.
It felt a bit passive-aggressive. And I think I lost that reader, although she never commented again. Sometimes I still wonder about her. (Wow. Cue the violins or something. LOL!) What it boiled down to was balancing the pleasure I received from formatting a post and the pleasure I received from interaction with readers. Since she had only commented once and never showed up again even when I was making changes, I decided she wasn’t worth it. (Sounds harsh, I know.)
A few months ago, however, a new reader asked me to enable the full feed for readers. It would be easier for her, she said. Since she has become a regular commenter, I was very happy to accommodate her. I just warned her that the colours might not be easy to read. LOL!
To cut it short now, I think it’s all about give and take.
I think we’ll all be happy to go the extra mile for people who would do the same for us. So if someone is kind enough to leave meaningful comments on a regular basis, of course I’ll be kind enough to accommodate a simple feed request! But the ones who show up out of nowhere? They may be even bigger fans, but they just don’t have the credibility.
Well, they said they were a regular reader and were critiquing you because they wanted to read you…not just to be a critique to be a critique. I think I would be a lot more receptive that way. I remember that issue. And I think it boils down to styling your colors within your post, or within your CSS styling. I think there might be a way around it now actually, but it is all in the coding.
+JMJ+
I know what you mean. I did try to accommodate the first reader for a while, but since she never came back again and I had no idea whether the changes were better for her or not, it was almost as if it made no difference.
One time on my review I wrote Jennie instead of Jessie. So of coarse someone noticed before I could fix it. Instead of telling me I seen her post a link to my review on the authors facebook page saying some reviewers need to review their reviews. Like that just could have been handled way better then that. Another time was when I wrote the wrong sisters name on a review. Well I got a huge paragraph on my blog about how it was wrong and see this reference and that reference and I need to check my facts and all that.
I have never ever done that. If I seen a mistake on someones blog I am friends with I would privately say something. There is no reason for anyone to be rude.
Dude. I DO NOT handle criticism well at all! I do believe you’re reply was way nicer than mine would’ve been. Any negative form of communication with me and I FLIP OUT and INSTANTLY go on DEFENSE!!
The only ‘mean’ comments I have ever gotten were here on PJV. But that is to be expected this is a much bigger blog than my mom and pop blog. I’ve had a reader reach out to me on my facebook page via pm that some of my pictures might be too adult. I agreed and decided to start a blog devoted to adult books, that way I knew I could keep the smut from the kiddies. It’s just part of putting yourself out on the internet. I think it also helps when you’ve got a great group of blog friends to help keep you calm and sane too.
Another great post!!!
I don’t think I’d ever ‘critique’ anyone, apart from if someone asked me my opinion. So be warned! If you do ask me my opinion, I’ll say it to you straight
I’ve had some seriously nasty reviews left my way, but as my comment area on my blog says, ‘flamers will be laughed at’. I could care less if someone says they hate my work, or my blog, or a comment I’ve made if they’re just being stupid about it. It’s those carefully crafted constructive critiques that can really sting, even if the commenter is trying to be helpful. No one likes to be told they’re lacking in any way, but face it, we all are at times. While I cringe when I’m legitimately told I need to shape something up, I value that input anyway. It teaches me something I need to work on.
As such, I try not to cringe away from giving constructive criticism either. I will point out if a blog text is hard to read, or a website is chaotic to the viewing eye. I will point out any research I believe is in error, and I always try to give honest feedback on any story I read. That being said, I try to balance those comments with praise as well. If someone is doing something right, point it out! If you like an element to a story an author has crafted, share that so they know what works for readers.
Beyond all that, the internet is a place for people to intersect. The virtual world is full of the pitfalls the comes from such varied personalties meeting in an ‘imaginary’ place. At the end of the day, an opinion is just that, an opinion. How you take them is totally up to you.
I think unless it’s something REALLY small, criticism belongs in a private setting. If I don’t agree with a review, if I feel the need to respond I just usually say something about how I felt. I make it as nice as possible and usually mention how everyone reacts differently to books!
Anything that I feel could possibly be construed as negative, I email or keep to myself. Even if it’s not meant to be mean, people read things differently!
I’m a sporadic blogger at best since my every day life sometimes puts many demands on my time. But I feel like I write my blog because I enjoy doing it and not necessarily to please anyone else. If someone were to critique anything about the way I run my blog, I would have to let them know that unless they are kicking me some $$$ to change it, I don’t much care what they think (but I doubt I would say it so nicely) I understand about wanting to keep readers and all but I just believe if someone didn’t like the way I run my blog, they might be better off finding a blog more suited to them to follow.
The first thing I would think about someone publicly criticizing a blog like PJV is that they would like some attention brought to their much lesser known blog by initiating a conflict that many people will see because of YOUR large following. Whether that is true or not is kind of irrelevant since that is what, I’m sure, many people like myself will believe. So not only is it in poor taste to do so in a public venue, but it makes the one doing the criticizing look like an asshat. Plus, perhaps if equal effort would be put into attending to your own blog instead of critiquing someone else’s, it would likely be much more rewarding in the long run.
I’m still on the fence about the issue of constructive criticism and whether the appropriate place for it is in a comment.
Having a differing viewpoint is one thing, especially if it’s about a review or a discussion topic. But to criticize someone, even with logical and a valid point, in a comment doesn’t quite sit right with me..
Again, critical discussion is totally different. But to suggest to someone that perhaps their way isn’t the right way in a comment that doesn’t invite that comment seems mean-spirited no matter the intent.
Sending a private email saying “Hey, I noticed that you misspelled the author’s name” is better than calling attention to it in a comment, which just brings on the embarrassment and hurt feelings, etc.
I totally agree that you should step back before responding. Although if the commentators intent was to rile you up, they’ll just be getting angrier and angrier the longer you take to respond. But then you’ll know if it was a critique or a troll-ish person.
And I totally understand the non-deletion of comments unless they’re using language you might feel is inappropriate for your other readers to have to see. WP allows you to edit comments to redact words that aren’t appropriate but still leave the comment in, I suppose.
Ah to be one of those better people that can just let things roll off their back. I so wish I was that enlightened.
I also totally agree about the reviews. As reviewers it’s to give suggestions to our readers not to offer ways of improvement for the author. While that could be helpful, it doesn’t change the reading experience of the book at hand and so doesn’t help our readers make a determination if it’s a book they’d like to read. So the critique-style is really not a review. And it would just invite potential ire from the author in the “who are you to tell me” vein.
Sorry, long ramble. As always great discussion post!
I would probably delete a mean one.
But you make an excellent point about stepping away and coming back later.
I’ve had a few snarky comments here and there, but nothing too mean. (Knock wood!) Right before I read your paragraph on not answering right away, I was thinking it. I always take a day or two before I send an e-mail. I may write a dozen versions, but I make myself wait to diminish my reaction and think clearly. Great post!
I rarely edit a blog post. Probably not the best thing for an aspiring writer, but I blog for fun and to have an outlet of communication as even my day job is from home. I don’t have time for it to be perfect. And sometimes when I re-read I find typos/mistakes and fix them. I’ve only ever had one person point this out, and I didn’t get upset but I didn’t like it either. If it’s someone I know and I see a typo/mistake I’d probably email them so they know. Otherwise, no way I would. But I don’t think it’s appropriate for anyone to critique anyone’s blog without being asked to. A person’s blog is their space. What they do with it is their choice. It’s the equivalent of going into someone else’s house and telling them what to hang on the wall. My mother inlaw would, but I would not.
Great discussion! I can’t imagine why anyone would think it was okay to criticize someone else on their own blog. I will sometimes admit I didn’t like the book they just raved about, but that’s it. Anything else should be handled in a personal email.
Very good post. The only place I have come across mean or “critical” comments is on Goodreads. I personally have never received a mean comment (and that is NOT a challenge, people!). The way I have my blog set up is I have to approve all comments the first time. I do get a ton of spam comments, so I do this out of self preservation. I don’t think I would ever *not* post a negative comment unless it was troll-y. And maybe I *would* post it even then if I had a particularly snappy comeback.
I absolutely agree with the “stepping away” model. What I also do is have my husband read something (especially if I am posting a low-scoring review) so I am sure not to attack the writer as a person. This works very well for me, as he has found issues (and it always seems to be when I wrote the thing when I was all worked up!) Sometimes stepping away also help us to not write ugly in reviews, too. I know that when I have read a particularly horrible book, I get a little wound up about it. Let’s face it, though – the author is not going to be happy with a low score, no matter how sweet you are. And even if they suck it up, they have friends who might not.
I am sarcastic and snarky and loud and opinionated, but those things I try and save for my essays, not reviews. I have *never* understood the need to be mean, dirty and ugly in comments.