Please be warned, this is a post about a very sexual book. Posts will contain bad language, graphic images and adult content. If you are under 18 please move along…
Fifty Shades of Grey Chapter Nine
Good morning Anastasia! Look at her little hooker self waking up all thoroughly devirginized (a few times).
Then comes the stereotypical stare into the mirror and see if anything looks different about herself. Did you do this after losing your virginity? I really don’t remember checking for changes in the mirror…it’s such a silly thing to do. It’s like checking in the mirror to see if you look different after you’ve had your first beer, or run your first marathon. Not gonna reflect on the outside people! Sorry, I digress.
But, with this reflection in the mirror comes a shift in the book. There has been some mention of Ana’s subconscious, but now three parts of Ana begin to take shape and actually get like little forms. There is Ana, there is Ana’s subconscious, which from what I can tell dresses like a librarian and wears glasses, then there is Ana’s Inner Goddess who is the slut version of Ana, is very athletic, since she seems to like to do gymnastics a lot. I understand that James created these characters to perpetuate Ana’s struggle to find herself, but it’s straight-up over the top…
My subconscious has weaken. She’s staring at me with pursed lips, tapping her foot. So you’ve just slept with him, given him your virginity, a man who doesn’t love you. IN fact, he has very odd ideas about you, wants to make you some sort of kinky sex slave.
ARE YOU CRAZY? She’s shouting at me.
Indeed.
But after her inner whatever lectured her, Ana decides it’s time for breakfast, so time to cook for Christian. They have breakfast and there is a lot of innuendos in their dialogue that I found funny and even after all this, they continue to call each other, Ms. Steele and Mr. Grey.
Yet, soon the talk returns to the whole agreement, the NDA and Christians predilection for a little slap and tickle. We find out that Christian’s family has no idea about his hobbies, he doesn’t want her talking to her best friend at all about their arrangements, especially now that she is “making the beast with two backs” with his brother. I have never heard that before — oh yeah, British slang term. No wonder.
We also find out that he considers the nookie they had last night “vanilla” and it’s a first for him. Seems Christian has been a bit freaky since the get-go.
So what do they do next? Let’s have a bath…and he wants her to:
“…become well acquainted, on first name terms if you will, with my favorite and most cherished part of my body. I’m very attached to this.”
Boys and their wieners. I’m surprised it doesn’t have a name, Like Mr. Spanky…
Ana’s reaction is again, priceless…
It’s so big and growing.
Alright. That’s something. Now on to Ana’s first Blow Job…dun dun duh…and low and behold she doesn’t have a gag reflex. And this of course, would make any man fall head over heels in love with a girl, so he is instantly begging her to seal the deal:
“Say yes,” he whispers fervently.
I frown, not understanding.
“To what?”
“Yes to our arrangement. To being mine. Please, Ana,” he whispers pleading…
Proves the point that men are easy…but Ana is not agreeing to that so easily, she needs a little more prodding. So, let’s have more oral sex…
What does Ana do when confronted with her first time??
“Aargh!” I moan as my body bows and convulses at the touch of his tongue.
They are just getting done and Christian is still trying to talk her into submitting to him when there is a commotion in the hall…the chapter ends with this line:
“Shit! It’s my mother.”
I was snickering all over the pages…too funny.
Chapter Ten of Fifty Shades of Grey
Ana is gonna meet Christian’s mother! With hardly any appropriate clothes and looking like she just, well had sex with her son…isn’t that fun? The screwed up thing about the whole mess is that Christian actually seems excited about it. A man that hasn’t introduced a single woman to his mother is pretty much demanding that she dress in HIS clothes and present herself.
Again, mixed signals Christian.
The mom seems pleasant. And during all this Ana accepts a phone call from Jose, who solidifies himself as a whiny ass from the way he acts. Any man that is described as whining at someone looses a big estimation in my book. I think the sole purpose of this character is to bring out Christian’s jealous streak. Which it does.
“I don’t like to share, Miss Steele. Remember that.”
And then back to Portland with a few memorable quotables along the way.
In the elevator:
“Stop biting your lip, or I will fuck you in the elevator, and I don’t care who gets in with us.”
Yes please.
On the way to Portland they stop at a restaurant and Ana continues to grill Christian. She is intent to find out more information from him. What she finds out:
- His mother thought he was gay
- He never introduced her to anyone, even 1 of the 15 relationships he’s had that were BDSM agreements
- He was fifteen when he had his first encounter, it was one of his mother’s friends who lured him into the BDSM lifestyle
- He was actually the woman’s submissive for six years
- He’s never really dated anyone
- He actually is still in touch with the “older woman” and considers her a good friend
This opens up all kinds of thoughts with Ana. She now considers Christian abused, which is true. If I were to find that my friend was sleeping with my fifteen year old son I would have her arrested and if it would come to light that she was using instruments of torture on my child I would push for a predatory sexual charge or sexual abuse. That’s just me. If it was a man doing it to a 15 year old girl, people would freak out…why is it different for a 15 year old boy? Because they want to have sex more than 15 year old girls?
Bah!
Let’s get back to the story though. Ana has had a lot to digest in her little trip. She know, well kinda knows how bossy Christian will be if she submits to him, but she also has hopes that she can maybe change him, mend his wounds or whatever. She finds out he’s always monogamous, but he expects full obedience from her. Ana is going to have to do a lot of thinking until they meet again on Wednesday. But, now she has to confront Kate as she does the walk-of-shame back into her apartment.
Of course, she is immediately jumped by the ever inquisitive Kate. Ana manages to elude to what they did without giving out details. It’s not very hard, Kate seems to like to talk about herself.
Jose makes an appearance again also, whining and apologizing at the same time. Gah! What a horrendous character. He sort of insults her, but then grovels, it’s rather ridiculous.
We close the Chapter in a blissful, post-coital reverie…with Ana. She comes to the conclusion that even though Christian is a little messed up, she still wants more and doesn’t want to end their “relationship”.
My mind drifts to last night and this morning…and the incredible, sensual sexuality I’d experienced. Do I want to say good-bye to that? No! screams my subconscious…my inner goddess nods in silent Zen-like agreement with her.
- FSOG was Twilight Fan Fic — why not read the real thing?
- Alpha Males are best served Vampire. Try the Black Dagger Brother series.
- Want a little naughtier? Give a menage a try.
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I was already thoroughly enjoying the post then I saw that Dawson picture and doubled over with laughter. Your read along posts are making me want to read this book for the 3rd time.
I spit my iced tea out of my mouth when I saw that.
Wasn’t that an awesome pic — you know what I put in Google. Whiny Man…LMAO
haha x infinity. Please do a read along of the other two books. You are hilarious.
Maybe she was looking at something else in the mirror to see if IT looked different? IT might have changed…
Oh and her jaw is as unhinged as her mental state. Interesting…
Arrgh sounds less like a moan than as… “What does a pirate say?”
And before the mom meet and greet did Ana a) get dressed, b) brush her teeth and use some mouthwash or c) wash up? Oh poor Mrs. Grey.
A little messed up? A relationship? LOL. Yeah, wow. Haha.
Freaking love your pictures and your recap. This is awesome! You need to do this with all iffy books.
Rachel! I have a sick imagination and my mind just popped up “corn beef” thanks for that!
“Arrgh matey, that der was some mighty fine dickering…”
She actually used Grey’s toothbrush, put on his underwear and I think grabbed her own jacket and pants….
And XOXO and really??? People will get bored…
Oh ugh, corned beef, LMAO. Now I do too. Ewww.
Well, at least she has some manners. Though I still hope there were no cheek kiss greetings.
And NO WAY will people get bored. You could always do it just for iffy chapters or DNF books. This is SO much fun!
I just wanted to let you know I’ve been following your read along, despite not having read the books and i’m enjoying it! I still don’t know if I will read them, but your posts are interesting and give me more insight the whole hype. So thanks for doing this!
Thanks so much! For curiosity I recommend. It’s like a book readers right of passage
Seriously, I’m always eagerly awaiting your thoughts for each chapter. I don’t think I could ever pick up this book myself. One thing that just bugs me to no end is that NO virgin in her right mind would start of with this kind of thing. NO way!!! Also, no way in hell would she be awesome giving her first blow job. I could just shake my head at that and growl. *lol* Anyway, already looking forward to your next post!!!
Well she might have practiced on a rainbow Popsicle which made her mildly proficient at oral. I mean I know a girl that did that -coughs-
Haha I do like her Subconscious and her Inner Goddess. I imagine them as the little good and evil angels over the shoulder on cartoons. The Inner Goddess just cracks me up with her dances and back-flips.
Yes I can imagine them as cartoon angels and devils. But it still is rather — cartoonish.
This is awesome!!! Loved the ice cream pic! They talk about vanilla versus kinky sex throughout the entire series. It’s really funny.
So what is strawberry you suppose?
Love the pics! I do like her Inner Goddess – she had me laughing quite a bit.
You’ve never heard of the beast with two backs?
And totally agree about the sex-with-a 15-year-old. I’d call the cops after I kicked their @ss.
No Patti I have not heard of beasts with backs !! But I don’t read those dirty Brit novels like you do
— Vicar!!!!!!
“Those dirty Brit novels” would be Shakespeare. Othello, to be precise!
I’ve looked at but have no intention of reading this series, not because of the content so much as the writing style (anything that starts off with a narrator looking at herself in the mirror makes me shout at the book – pet peeve) but it’s great fun to read your recaps. *shaking my head at Ana.*
My mother told me she wanted to read this book, so I’ve been reading her pieces of your reviews. She and I are both getting a kick out of them! I, of course, always love reading your reviews, but she’s definitely enjoying them as well! Thanks for doing this chapter by chapter read along!
Courtney
That made my day Courtney! My step-mom is reading this, I can’t look her in the eye LMAO
Hahaha I’m loving your read-along! Keep it coming
Thanks! I didn’t realize how hard this would be…
loving the read along. Puts a smile on my face
Thanks Jules! And your fluffy unicorns always put a smile on mine. Mwah
Oh no! I almost missed it! Again you made laugh, I’m loving your dissecting technics – Mr. Spanky…..LOL
I totaly agree, that woman is a pedophilic, no if , ands or buts.
I’m enjoying this Read Along more than what I enjoyed the book. Thank you!
I am LOVING this read along. Not so sure i could put myself through it even for the blog
Kudos and can’t wait to see the next chapters!
PS I’d never heard of “the beast” quote either. Aren’t the MCs American?
haha yup, I totally picture her subconscious as a naughty librarian and her inner goddess as someone with very little clothing who likes to lounge, do gymnastics, and drink.
Oh, Ana and her blow job skills…and Ana’s reactions to everything are pretty much priceless. You gotta love the girl for her showing her feelings, especially once you compare her to KStew in the Twilight movies….much improvement.
lol
I loved when Christian got Ana to meet his mom! Hilarious, kind of endearing…and yes, it sent a very mixed message! I just loved how excited it made him, it was so cute! He was acting like a proud little boy showing off his first girlfriend.
I totally agree about the whole abuse thing. Christian was totally abused…doesn’t matter that he was a boy. He was totally underage, and naughty “Mrs.Robinson” totally took advantage of him! Bad bad woman! :S
haha that picture of crying Dawson is perfect! Now whenever I reread this, I’m gonna pictures Jose like that! hehe
What the heck? The whole multiple personalities is SO gonna be an issue if she subspaces. You can definitively tell James has never been in a BDSM relationship and she didn’t even research properly, but it does sound steamy.
And sub turned dom? Is he gonna be a switch? I know this is part of the lifestyle, but it just makes no sense to me to actually allow someone like that to control you.
Maybe it’s the fact that I watch so many Brit shows, but “beast with two backs” seems pretty common to me.
Doing the beast with two backs is from shakespear, am not a huge fan of the novel because of what it is shown youndg girls, this is not a easy lifestyle and many girls will want this and fall into te hands of a abuser… I have been a full time sub for a year now so I am aware of the affects of this life style…anyways I just wanted to say don’t insult something if u don’t know it’s origin.